


there’s no life in anything when you're not here

by gryjoy



Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Angst, Bipolar Ian Gallagher, Crying, M/M, Mickey Milkovich in Mexico, Season/Series 07, thats it, thats the entire fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-30
Updated: 2020-11-30
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:28:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 727
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27789004
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gryjoy/pseuds/gryjoy
Summary: Ian stares up at the posters that are taped to the ceiling above his bed. Waiting. Waiting for a call. Mickey knows his number, he didn't promise he'd call but Ian still hopes. Ian still wants. He shouldn't. He shouldn't want. But he does. He wants so bad it hurts.
Relationships: Ian Gallagher/Mickey Milkovich
Comments: 1
Kudos: 51





	there’s no life in anything when you're not here

**Author's Note:**

> title from love in the time of socialism by yellow house
> 
> 7 days till season 11 so have this

Ian stares up at the posters that are taped to the ceiling above his bed. Waiting. Waiting for a call. Mickey knows his number, he didn't promise he'd call but Ian still hopes. Ian still wants. He shouldn't. He shouldn't want. But he does. He wants so bad it hurts.

Ian turns his head to look at the pill bottle on the bedside table. Oh, how he hates. He hates and he hates. He feels nothing sometimes. Numb and tired. They had changed his medication, a new brand supposed to help with feeling more but it makes him feel only one thing.

Want.

All he feels is want.

Wants to go back and get in the car with Micky. Wants to be in a shitty cheap motel hugging Mickey because they made it.

But he turned Mickey away. He shut down the idea of being happy with Mickey.

Ian turns on his side facing towards the wall. He takes the spare pillow and hugs it to his chest, trying to ignore the tears threatening to form.

He wishes the pillow was Mickey. He wishes he could hear the man's laugh as Ian presses his lips to the back of his neck. But he settled to pressing his face into the pillow. It used to smell like Mickey when he would sleep there but it barely lingers. Barely smells like the cologne Mickey occasionally used. But it's faded and distant.

Ian can feel the tears falling now. Soaking into the pillow. He lets a soft sob escape his lips, glad his siblings aren't there to see how pathetic he is over a man he fell for at fifteen.

He holds the pillow tighter, allowing himself to inhale the faded scent of Mickey. He's shaking at this point. Ian wants to be with Mickey in Mexico. His phone sits idle next to his head, no messages or calls from an unknown number.

He can hear his siblings talking and laughing downstairs, the clinking of silverware and cheap plastic plates.

They could have made a life in Mexico. Living the high life. He knows Mickey has connections, he could have gone back to selling drugs while Ian could have gotten work with cars or at a corner shop. Live in a shitty apartment before moving into a house on the beach of Costa Ri-

Ian's thoughts are interrupted by his phone ringing. He immediately grabs it looking at the unfamiliar numbers on the screen. He hits accept and puts it to his ear, breathing is a shaky breath.

"Hey, Red," a familiar voice says, choked slightly with muffled arguing in the background.

“Mick,” Ian breathes out in a relieved sigh.

"I can't talk for long, but I wanted to check-in.”

Ian lets out a soft sorrowful chuckle, "I wish I was there."

Mickey is silent but a sigh sounds through the phone, "me too," there's a pregnant pause, "but maybe this is for the best."

Ian can't stop the sob that escapes his lips, "Mickey, I so so sorry," a whimper, "please, Mickey, I love you."

"I.." Mickey sighs, "I love you too," it comes out in a whisper but that's all Ian needs, "so, what now?"

Ian covers his face with a hand, wiping his eyes, "what do you want next?"

All Ian does is want. He wonders if Mickey does too.

"I got a dude giving me a ride to someplace called Puerto Lobos," Mickey says, "maybe you can come visit me, huh?" his voice is dismissive, trying to hide his feelings but Ian can see through it.

"I'll try," Ian whispers, voice desperate, "I will Mick, I will."

"I know, Ian," Mickey says, there's a pause filled with honking and yelling, "look, I have to go."

Ian nods, "okay, okay, call me when you get there."

Mickey laughs and it's music to Ian's ears, "I will, I promise."

"I love y-"

The dial tone cuts him off.

He drops the phone with a shaky hand, curling more in on himself hugging the pillow tighter and tighter to him. Wanting and wanting.

It was so close to touch. Oh so-fucking-close. And it vanishes between his fingers.

Shaky uneven, broken sobs escape his lips, breathing rapidly, flexing his fingers in the pillow. Just _wanting_.

He never did get that call from Mickey. And all his wanting was for nothing.

**Author's Note:**

> yeah but i have a gallavich fic im writing right now and the word count is at 40k which is bonkers bc i was aiming for like 10k but whatever ,,
> 
> [carrd ](https://gryjoy.carrd.co/#) || [tumblr ](https://maccreadysimp.tumblr.com/) || [insta ](https://www.instagram.com/spiity/)


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